Dealing with "A" of my life

I was thinking about 'Anger'. You may ask Why 'Anger', out of nowhere? Off late I have been very angry, for something or the other. Either at my daughter, for making the house dirty or not getting up early, or my husband passing comments about my cooking performance this week. I have been yelling, shouting and crying. As everybody would have experienced, anger leads to remorse. While I sat lamenting about my behavior, I started thinking about how to control it. Not much of a breakthrough though.

A small research project started yesterday night, when my husband made a remark at something. My general reaction would have been to get angry, tell something (tit for tat) and then cry. But yesterday unknowingly a thought crossed my mind. I asked myself, what is making me so angry? What is in his comment, that is hurting me? Is my ego getting hurt? What is leading to pain, which leads to anger?

As they say, thoughts travel at a speed higher than anybody has ever been able to measure. All this practically happened in no time. By then the beautiful part had happened. It was like a moment of enlightenment in my life. I had lost my anger.

I think this is the first time it has happened to me. I am not sure I figured out the answer as to why I was angry, but when I started seeking as to why I was angry, the intensity of my anger had subsided. So the next time I am on the verge of "blowing my fuse off", I plan to pause and ask myself, why? Afterall, fuse is costly. Even for a bulb, its made out of a costly metal, tungsten. Then its really risky that I blow the fuse of my mind, of which I dont even know the make. And I doubt there are spares, in case I permanently blow it off.

I plan to use this technique. I will keep you posted on the outcome.

Wishing everybody anger free days ahead in life.

Baa bye !!!

It takes a lot to be happy. Really?

There is a garments factory in the lane I walk to my workplace. I see many girls and ladies hurrying in the morning towards this factory. Today morning, I saw two young girls hold hands and walk quickly towards their factory gate. I felt so happy to see the innocence in the eyes of these two girls. The friendship between them seemed pure and impeccant. They chirpily walked, smiling and laughing at something. They seemed so happy; so complete, as human beings.

This small gesture I saw this morning triggered a train of thoughts.

The first one -

Usually girls working at the Garments factory come from a poor background. But these girls made me feel that being poor is more about a state of mind. These ladies are not treated very fairly in their workplace. They work a lot harder for a meager amount meted out to them at the end of the month. But none of it seemed like stopping them from being happy.

Happiness like being poor is also a state of mind. If we decide that we will be happy with what we have, accept whatever God has given us, stop resisting life, I think we can also be happy. While one thing is about living in the present, being innocent is very important if we have to be happy.

If we have to understand 'Innocence' better, we have to observe children. Do you see children pondering about anything for more than a second? Do they hold grudges? Did you ever see how quickly they forgive? Forgive and Forget? I have hit my daughter many times. I am angry with her, she has no ego, and she breaks the ice most of the times. I see myself and reflect at my ego. I learn but never learn enough. So, you see what I mean when I say we should learn to be innocent. We need to learn to let go. We don’t know everything that happens in the universe; likewise, we don’t know why it happens. But there is a reason. Trust that everything happens for good and "learn" to move on. And mark my words, I said "learn".

The second one -

This is more on a lighter note. I missed the beautiful friendships we have had from school days. It was a time, when we innocently held hands and walked. There were merely no expectations about each other. We just liked and loved each other. As I grew, mind is outstretched with great ideas and with all innocence lost; I lost touch with all my friends. Today, these two girls reminded me of many of them. I wish them well wherever they are. I feel sad that I hardly get to walk hand in hand with any friends these days. We are all so caught up in our own world of endless wants, desires, jealousies, pains and sorrows. Being a friend is a costly affair. It needs time, which nobody has enough to spare.

When I reflected on both these thoughts, I see that the key is to stick to innocence. I will research more on this and get back.

Till then stay tuned. Chao ----

A humble yellow metal

Today after our lunch, our girls gang started talking about 'Gold'. Most of the girls eyes would go wide open and a small smile might break open in their lips, when they hear this word. However there are a few exceptions to everything. This case is no different. Some girls are crazy about diamonds and platinum. He he jokes apart, this is one solo yellow metal, which no girl would complain accomodating in her house. No matter, how bad the space crunch is, in her cupboard.

It was a good conversation about 916, KDM and Hallmark. Each one stating what they feel is pure. And again which brand is best and where we can find maximum designs. It created a small ripple effect in ever heart. All this conversation started, with one girl from our gang getting married. She needs to buy gold for her marriage. This conversation ended up with atleast one item (I know its definitely more than that) wish list in every girl's heart. For one it was a "kada", for the other it was an antique temple jewellery and for one it was as simple as just "buy something".

When we dispersed, I could still see a "ting", a twinkle in every eye. Everybody walked to their respective work locations with dreamy eyes.

Gold - A dreamy metal, a dream which possesses its owner.

Haiku Heights - Origami


Fold after fold,
a new avatar unfolds,
finally the true meaning emerges.

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Red, blue green and yellow,
teased the paper toy between the fingers,
a small, fun little toy.

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When a beautiful paper is folded,
I wonder why is he spoiling it?
The beautiful outcome stuns me.

-----------------------------------

Written for Haiku Heights - Origami.



A born genius

I was listening to some old Tamil hits of A.R.Rehman today. It blew me off completely. His music is simply so beautiful. If you want to feel good the way I am feeling now, please listen to songs from Thiruda Thiruda, Roja, Marghazhi poove song from May Madham, songs from Kadhalan and Mudhalvan.. so many more in the list.. :)

Simply splendid. Hats off Mr. A.R.R. For my today's mood and mindset, your songs are my LSD.

Haiku Heights - Breeze

A saddened heavy heart,
was reminded of hope,
when caressed by breeze.

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As they romanced in love,
Wind blew a kiss of breeze,
The leaves blushed and swayed.

This was written for Haiku Heights.

Wish all the women a Happy Women's Day.

Why a father cant replace a mother?

A mother can always put her child's hunger before her own.
A mother can sense what the child is feeling even before the child expresses it.
A mother can easily change the mood of her child.
A mother mostly knows the child's needs.
A mother knows when to pamper and when to control her tantrums.
A mother can sense the pain the child might be going through.
A mother can never be happy when her child is suffering.
A mother may not know what is best for her child, but she will try to give her best at motherhood.

I am not generalizing here. There may be cases when fathers' replace mothers' and every case has an exception.

However, a father makes a family complete.  

Shocked beyond words

Today my friend reported an alarming incident. I am still not sure how to react to it.

I walk through a crowded narrow lane everyday from work to home. I have always felt a little insecure walking through that street. Yesterday morning my friend walked through the same street. She saw a girl was walking ahead of her and she was talking to someone on her mobile. Three men came riding on a Honda Activa. One of the guys on the bike, touched the buttocks of the girl who was walking ahead.

My friend was shocked to see that and she stood there for a minute. Another lady who was walking from the opposite side, told my friend, see what all happens and walked with a disgust on her face. That girl walked away without knowing how to react.
When my friend told me this, I was not sure what to tell about the situation. I am still not able to move away from how men treat unknownn women in our society. I am running short of words.

Haiku Heights - Shimmer

(Picture Courtesy - Internet)

A dew kissed petal,
belongs not to the flower, nor dew,
Shimmers in grace and enlightenment.

Written for Haiku Heights #210.

Why cant people just let it be?

In South India its a little unusual to find somebody left handed. In the early years of growing up, if they find kids using the left hand predominantly, they try to change that usage, by correcting them each time their left hand says "Use Me". They frown with a harsh tone, "Hey, which hand?" Then the kid brings out the other hand. This is kind of training the mind. Parents will tap on the child's hand if they see them writing with their left hand, until the kid gives up and starts using his right hand.

My daughter is left handed.

I feel stumped when people ask me, does she write in left? I answer with a smile, "Yes, she does". It does not stop there, next question quickly follows, "Why? Why didn't you change it from the beginning?" Then I have to give them an explanation of why it is good to let them be and what the Dr's say. Despite that they have that "whatever" look on their face and tend to pretend to ignore it.

Excuse me, what is the problem if she writes in left? When I take her to some functions, it's so difficult to answer. They make it embarassing for me. The problem being she eats with her left hand. Some elders give me a look. Oh! I cant explain that to you, you need to see that to know it. Some give me an unwarranted advice to start teaching her to use her right hand. I nod my head and I just let her be.

What was most perplexing to me was when I was at a function and a learned man asked me, how did you manage to make her left handed?

Oh God, please dont give me the credit of things I did not accomplish. I am a honest person you see and I dont like false recognitions. I am definitely not embarassed about my daughter being left active.

A New Mother

Back after one of the longest hibernation. Feels good to be here though.

My little daughter had one of the worst fevers ever. Last week she was completely down with a viral infection and a very bad cold accompanied by cough. I have never seen her suffer so much. It was a very trying time for me, to manage home, work and a sick child. The toughest thing was the sleepless nights (I dont feel human, unless I get my min 7 hrs of sleep). To top it all, my help at home also fell sick and did not turn up for 3 days.

I felt like a new mother today when I was cooking and packing for her. I was not sure what is safe for her to eat. I was having this strage insecurity in my heart. I felt the same way one would feel, if they have to ride a bike after having met with an accident. A strange fear engulfs our mind, although we have been riding for so many years. The same way, everytime she recovers from being very sick, I feel like a new mother, who has to learn to handle the little angel.

Still having slight cold and cough, I hope she springs back to normalcy very soon.