Friday, 21 October 2011

An entry into the Passport To A Healthy Pregnancy Contest

This post is written for the "Passport To A Healthy Pregnancy Contest".


I said, "The test showed positive". He looked at me with fear. "Yes, it is positive", I said and looked at my husband with fear. His eyes acknowledged the fear we both had. I was pregnant. Every couple in this world who see a positive pregnancy test result would have been 'super' - happy. Was I not happy? No, it was not that I was not happy. I was afraid. This was my second pregnancy. I had conceived twins the first time and miscarried them. Miscarried miserably, losing one twin at 4 months and the other at 6 months. The Internal OS had opened up without any fore warning. I did not have signs, and then came some stitches to the cervix which failed and I lost it all. Doctors suspected I had an "Incompetent Cervix", but they were not sure as I was carrying twins and miscarriage with twins is a common problem. I swear I am still trying to come out of that loss. Every time I hear the word twins, I feel something tugging at my heart. I feel pained. I feel why did I have to lose mine, if only I had them?
So, this time when I was pregnant, I was scared how it would go? Will we ever have a baby was a huge question haunting us day and night after having lost the first pregnancy. I conceived after a year and half, but the wound seemed fresh and it still hurt. This pregnancy, we resolved to be extra careful. In the initial days of the pregnancy, I had some spotting issues. So, there was no way I could travel to work. I stopped going to office and started working from home. I had made up my mind to do everything right this time. I wanted to pull this pregnancy through. After the initial glitch of spotting, things seemed to go smooth. After the 12th week, the doctor decided to put in a cervical stitch (precautionary - just in case). Then the doctor assured me that I need not worry and everything seemed to be going fine. It seemed so till the 23rd week. I went for an anomaly scan and then my Internal OS measured 0.7 mm. The same day two years earlier, I was in the hospital with the same cervix measure. I felt the whole world came crashing on me. Was I paranoid?? Don’t ask me. I lost all hopes. I was not sure I would make it. The doctor said he would be placing another cervical stitch. I cried my heart out, when I went into the minor OT this time. My doctor did not know how to console me. (I later heard from the nurse that he sat in the OT for 5 minutes, with his hand on his head) He was also emotionally moved by all my crying episodes. I had cried for a whole day, from the time I came into the hospital till the next day I was forced to sleep under anesthesia. The risk of this surgical process was while putting the cervical stitch in, the needle could break my water bag and I would deliver on the table. I did not know how I would be out of the OT? Luckily, everything went well. I stayed in the hospital for 10 days and the doctor asked me to go. I was scared and did not feel like going home without the baby. I stayed in the hospital for 3 and a half months after that stitch and came home with the baby. Yes, I did that, believe me.
Everyday posed a new challenge. If one day it was about the baby's weight, one day it was about going to the bathroom and one day I would assume the gastric pains as labor pains and panic. I don’t know how I passed that phase. I just stay put in the hospital. I was only allowed to go to the bathroom for 10 minutes. I was on a laxative, so that I don’t put any pressure on my abdomen. Every day, going to the bathroom, used to be dreadful. I was scared where I would put pressure and where the baby would move down. By the feel of my abdomen, my doctor had told me the head was in the downward position. So that posed more threat, as it would put more pressure on the cervix, as the baby weight increased. Days passed slowly and I grew friendly with all those nurses. They were suggesting me a thousand things to increase the baby weight. One nurse asked me to soak almonds in water overnight, remove the peel and eat it the next day morning. They said that would increase the baby weight. I followed that for baby weight was extremely important in my case. Since I was under the constant threat of premature delivery, an early born baby with a good weight would definitely mean a higher survival chance.
One "ayya" (a caretaker in the hospital) asked me to eat pomegranate every day saying the baby would be healthy and pink. This I did not do, as I didn’t want any constipation problems. I had read somewhere that pomegranate seeds would lead to constipation. So I completely avoided it. Another lady asked me put saffron in milk and drink it every night. I asked the doctor and she said there is no evidence of saffron of either harming or benefiting in any way. So it was completely my choice. I had it just in case it helps my baby grow fair. A nurse asked me to drink 1.5 litres’ of milk every day. She said that calcium would aid in building the bones of the baby. I could not make 1.5 litres’, but I did drink a lot of milk. I stayed in a sharing room and I met many people there. Many people gave me many suggestions and some I followed and some I could not. I met some old uncle, with whom I had elaborate discussions about Mahabharata and Life and Death and Karma. I still remember how interesting those conversations used to be. People came and went, but I never left that room. I had become a talk in the hospital. I read a lot of books and listened to a lot of music. I believed that would make a positive impact on the baby.
30th week arrived and they gave me steroids. This was for the babies lungs to develop, to help in case of an early delivery. When I reached the 32th week, my doctor for the first time smiled at me (after having got admitted there) and he patted me on my shoulder. He said, we had pulled through and the risk was becoming lesser with every progressive day. We had crossed the danger period. He asked me if I want to go home. I refused and stayed back. My mother and my husband stood by me through this tough phase. I thank them from the bottom of my heart. I did not have a normal pregnancy; it was a phenomenal roller coaster ride. I have cried, laughed, have thrown tantrums, have been rude, have been mad and what not, but I survived it. I was blessed to go through this kind of an experience. It made me strong and more humane. It was tough, I admit, but the fruit of it was special. It was lovely. I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl on September 20th, 2009. She is fair (don’t know if that was due to saffron), she is interested in music and books (don’t know if that was due to me reading so much during pregnancy) and she is completely adorable. What worked for my pregnancy was staying positive and having the faith that I will pull through every single day and ofcourse the prayers and blessings of all my well wishers. She turned 2 years now and I tell you, if not for this contest, I would not have recalled those tough times.
I am thankful to this contest (Passport To A Healthy Pregnancy). It made me recollect an important phase of my life, which makes me grateful to some important people in my life and to the almighty GOD.


  1. A baby is the greatest gift of God. Some have to struggle through problems to be blessed with a baby. Your story is inspirational to many people with similar problems to gain more strength and will power to overcome theirs.

  2. Oh my God! That was a tough phase for you! MY GOD!
    Happy that you got through it :)
    I sat glued to my chair till I read the last sentence of your write-up. Wonderfully written.
    All the best for the contest!

  3. Hi Deep, this is a very bold one and needs a lot of strength to portray all your emotions in such an elaborate and earnest manner. Though I know what you went through in this time period but I never imagined how much tough and hard it had been for you if it had not been this post.Anytime I would read this a tear drop would trickle down with my conscious, but a nice write up. You have moved one step ahead in your life I would say! - pree

  4. was so emotional...i cn also relate it to a certain extent as i also had a MC b4 my gurl was born and still remember hw terrified i wd be whenever i had a bit of spotting!!! appreciate ur mental strength tht u were able to handle those tough time!


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