Dealing with "A" of my life

I was thinking about 'Anger'. You may ask Why 'Anger', out of nowhere? Off late I have been very angry, for something or the other. Either at my daughter, for making the house dirty or not getting up early, or my husband passing comments about my cooking performance this week. I have been yelling, shouting and crying. As everybody would have experienced, anger leads to remorse. While I sat lamenting about my behavior, I started thinking about how to control it. Not much of a breakthrough though.

A small research project started yesterday night, when my husband made a remark at something. My general reaction would have been to get angry, tell something (tit for tat) and then cry. But yesterday unknowingly a thought crossed my mind. I asked myself, what is making me so angry? What is in his comment, that is hurting me? Is my ego getting hurt? What is leading to pain, which leads to anger?

As they say, thoughts travel at a speed higher than anybody has ever been able to measure. All this practically happened in no time. By then the beautiful part had happened. It was like a moment of enlightenment in my life. I had lost my anger.

I think this is the first time it has happened to me. I am not sure I figured out the answer as to why I was angry, but when I started seeking as to why I was angry, the intensity of my anger had subsided. So the next time I am on the verge of "blowing my fuse off", I plan to pause and ask myself, why? Afterall, fuse is costly. Even for a bulb, its made out of a costly metal, tungsten. Then its really risky that I blow the fuse of my mind, of which I dont even know the make. And I doubt there are spares, in case I permanently blow it off.

I plan to use this technique. I will keep you posted on the outcome.

Wishing everybody anger free days ahead in life.

Baa bye !!!

It takes a lot to be happy. Really?

There is a garments factory in the lane I walk to my workplace. I see many girls and ladies hurrying in the morning towards this factory. Today morning, I saw two young girls hold hands and walk quickly towards their factory gate. I felt so happy to see the innocence in the eyes of these two girls. The friendship between them seemed pure and impeccant. They chirpily walked, smiling and laughing at something. They seemed so happy; so complete, as human beings.

This small gesture I saw this morning triggered a train of thoughts.

The first one -

Usually girls working at the Garments factory come from a poor background. But these girls made me feel that being poor is more about a state of mind. These ladies are not treated very fairly in their workplace. They work a lot harder for a meager amount meted out to them at the end of the month. But none of it seemed like stopping them from being happy.

Happiness like being poor is also a state of mind. If we decide that we will be happy with what we have, accept whatever God has given us, stop resisting life, I think we can also be happy. While one thing is about living in the present, being innocent is very important if we have to be happy.

If we have to understand 'Innocence' better, we have to observe children. Do you see children pondering about anything for more than a second? Do they hold grudges? Did you ever see how quickly they forgive? Forgive and Forget? I have hit my daughter many times. I am angry with her, she has no ego, and she breaks the ice most of the times. I see myself and reflect at my ego. I learn but never learn enough. So, you see what I mean when I say we should learn to be innocent. We need to learn to let go. We don’t know everything that happens in the universe; likewise, we don’t know why it happens. But there is a reason. Trust that everything happens for good and "learn" to move on. And mark my words, I said "learn".

The second one -

This is more on a lighter note. I missed the beautiful friendships we have had from school days. It was a time, when we innocently held hands and walked. There were merely no expectations about each other. We just liked and loved each other. As I grew, mind is outstretched with great ideas and with all innocence lost; I lost touch with all my friends. Today, these two girls reminded me of many of them. I wish them well wherever they are. I feel sad that I hardly get to walk hand in hand with any friends these days. We are all so caught up in our own world of endless wants, desires, jealousies, pains and sorrows. Being a friend is a costly affair. It needs time, which nobody has enough to spare.

When I reflected on both these thoughts, I see that the key is to stick to innocence. I will research more on this and get back.

Till then stay tuned. Chao ----

A humble yellow metal

Today after our lunch, our girls gang started talking about 'Gold'. Most of the girls eyes would go wide open and a small smile might break open in their lips, when they hear this word. However there are a few exceptions to everything. This case is no different. Some girls are crazy about diamonds and platinum. He he jokes apart, this is one solo yellow metal, which no girl would complain accomodating in her house. No matter, how bad the space crunch is, in her cupboard.

It was a good conversation about 916, KDM and Hallmark. Each one stating what they feel is pure. And again which brand is best and where we can find maximum designs. It created a small ripple effect in ever heart. All this conversation started, with one girl from our gang getting married. She needs to buy gold for her marriage. This conversation ended up with atleast one item (I know its definitely more than that) wish list in every girl's heart. For one it was a "kada", for the other it was an antique temple jewellery and for one it was as simple as just "buy something".

When we dispersed, I could still see a "ting", a twinkle in every eye. Everybody walked to their respective work locations with dreamy eyes.

Gold - A dreamy metal, a dream which possesses its owner.